Parvati fucking Patil. My mother said she'd hired someone competent, not a gossiping troll. And as for her methods... she's a dirty bitch, wanting us to show her our routine, like we're performing monkeys. And there is nothing wrong with how I view sex with Blaise. Stupid little wench, how dare she presume that I can't rip his clothes off because I respect 'the mother of my children' too much.

Psychobabble bullshit. I refuse to listen.

Because I'm such a generous soul, I have decided to talk to you a day earlier than I stipulated, Blaise.

So, I went to Blaise's hairdresser and Blaise, I'm going to murder you.

I honestly can't get over how much the children have all grown. First words and first steps seem an age ago (I still disapprove of Scarlett's first word being 'AJ' when I worked incredibly hard trying to make her say 'Papa is God').

Damien is already the ring leader of his nursery group, Dante has almost mastered Mozart's Concerto 21 and Scarlett really knows how to scream to get what she wants. They're so talented it's obscene. Damn these fine genes of mine. They make every other child look mediocre at best.

Now, if the children would only stop kicking me, they'd be perfect.

So, Blaise, Pansy... I trust you're happy with the club I rented for you? It's only for a month, however. Never let it be said that I'm too generous.

Okay, enough of this nonsense, I've changed my mind. Harry, I want my rabbit back. I'm hungry.

.. hello?

Where in the fuck is everyone. I need love. Give me love or the bunny gets it.

By the way, is anyone missing a bunny? I just found it on the street. And we all know I can't be trusted with rabbits.

Oh, look. Looks like we beat India. I guess Sunny had a wasted trip. The poor lamb.

After a million delays, fighting between members of the Department of Magical Sports and Games and the ugly affair between the Bulgarian and British Departments of international Magical Co-operation (I still have blood stains on my velvet robes), the World Cup is finally starting properly. Qualifying stages are over, now it's the knockout stages.

We're playing India in the quarter-finals next week. Finally, something else to focus my time on. Even though I know we're going to win. Honestly, how well can brown savages play anyway?

Kurt, I noticed that your muggle fridge appears to be broken. I'm rather a dab hand at these things, I'll be more than happy to help.