Trying to find a new seeker is, by far, the most tedious thing I have ever done - and I attended Muggle Studies (for a laugh).

Archie, the reserve seeker, really isn't quick enough and we're playing the Egyptians next, who have arguably the quickest players in the world. I suppose I'll just scope out the clubs again and attempt to steal someone who shows promise. If all else fails, there is always bribery.

What is going on with you two? If you were any colder with each other, it would start snowing. And I don't like cold chills. So speak.

Oh, and don't try to lie and tell me it's nothing. Lying is my forte.

So... the sailor outfit. That was... interesting.

I cannot believe that once again I have been kidnapped out of a bloody hospital. Not only is my entire body itching me like mad but now we've got Pansy unconscious and bundled upstairs and you just KNOW the minute she wakes up, she's going to hex us both.

And where is my dinner?! I swear to Circe, if I have to kill Knobbly one more time...

You're going to pay for this, Weasley, mark my words. No one hexes Draco Malfoy and gets away with it, especially a poor nobody like you.

Watch your back.

Parvati fucking Patil. My mother said she'd hired someone competent, not a gossiping troll. And as for her methods... she's a dirty bitch, wanting us to show her our routine, like we're performing monkeys. And there is nothing wrong with how I view sex with Blaise. Stupid little wench, how dare she presume that I can't rip his clothes off because I respect 'the mother of my children' too much.

Psychobabble bullshit. I refuse to listen.

Because I'm such a generous soul, I have decided to talk to you a day earlier than I stipulated, Blaise.

So, I went to Blaise's hairdresser and Blaise, I'm going to murder you.

I honestly can't get over how much the children have all grown. First words and first steps seem an age ago (I still disapprove of Scarlett's first word being 'AJ' when I worked incredibly hard trying to make her say 'Papa is God').

Damien is already the ring leader of his nursery group, Dante has almost mastered Mozart's Concerto 21 and Scarlett really knows how to scream to get what she wants. They're so talented it's obscene. Damn these fine genes of mine. They make every other child look mediocre at best.

Now, if the children would only stop kicking me, they'd be perfect.

So, Blaise, Pansy... I trust you're happy with the club I rented for you? It's only for a month, however. Never let it be said that I'm too generous.